


Set Foot in the Ocean

by Charlie Rotanev (Immerghensi)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Silences, Drag queens being Circuit Queens, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Mentions of Larry and Cashton, Michael not giving a shit, Reality TV, Sneaking into your own house, angry!michael, cute!Luke, the bachelor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-07 17:04:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4271118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immerghensi/pseuds/Charlie%20Rotanev
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This year, hundreds of applicants entered The Bachelor: Gay Edition. Our team has been working hard to find the best candidates in time for this season, and out of the pool, 15 were chosen. Here are your 2015 contestants."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Weeks 0-2

**Author's Note:**

> Song is 'Lemons' by Woodlock

Michael's other flatmates had gone out for the day, leaving him alone with the kiwi hybrid, Calum. Ever since that first month and the fabled Tiptoe Through the Window Incident, they'd stuck together. The others were all sorts of crazy, but Cal and Mikey got by on each other's company.

 

"CALUM, YOU ASSHOLE, GET YOUR BITCH ASS OVER HERE."

 

"BITCH, MY ASS IS FABULOUS."

 

"I DON'T CARE. JUST GET DOWN HERE THIS FUCKING INSTANT." The laptop had a loud, obnoxious trumpet fanfare noises coming from it as Calum thumped down the spiral staircase. He was still dripping wet and clad only in a towel, a displeased mug plastered on his face.

 

"What the hell do you want?" He grumbled.

 

"We are being congratulated on making _The Bachelor_ and getting calls scheduling us for interviews. Why." It wasn't a question so much as a demand for information.

 

"Wait we actually won?" Calum yawned, "That’s sick, man."

 

"CALUM THIS IS SERIOUS." Michael bellowed. "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO I DON'T WANT TO BE A RICH ASSHOLE'S FUCKING FUCKBOY NOOOOOOOOO." He rolled on the floor like he'd been sucker punched straight in the gut. Calum sat down beside him.

 

"Soooooo remember that night we got smashed?"

 

"I still have some sharpie marks from it."

 

"OK so during Kings, Damien dared me to put my name in the pot for _The Bachelor_ and since you were my mate we had to make one for you too."

 

"Oh god we were drunk what the hell did I write?" Michael shoved the laptop to his flatmate. "You. Show. Now. Where is it posted?"

Calum simply typed in the show's URL and slides the computer back. He looks away before Michael can start properly reading. Calum isn't about to die today.

 

" _This year, hundreds of applicants entered The Bachelor: Gay Edition. Our team has been working hard to find the best candidates in time for this season, and out of the pool, 15 were chosen. Here are your 2015 contestants._ " He reads aloud. Michael scrolls down until he sees his name, gagging a little at the picture Damien must've uploaded for him. He's got fire hair (no, not like that time he lit himself by accidentally walking into the pyrotechnics) and a Metallica shirt on, a snapback covering that weird spot in his hairline and his Mangelina Jolie lips on point. "Oh my Jesus."

_Last name: Clifford First name: Michael MI: Not telling_

_Age: 22_

_Occupation: Per diem pyrotechnic analyst/ fulltime badass_

_Sex: yes please_

_Likes: gaming, loud music, being punk rock, alcohol_

_Dislikes: assholes (not literally just the people) (I’m gay of course I love the booty), the color pink, tofu, winter, you_

_Description: Loud and proud. You respect me and I'll respect you back. Always up for a party and good times. Self-proclaimed Greenday expert. #powerbottoms2015_

 

"How do things like this even?" Michael said, throwing up the 'what the hell' meme hand. "I was drunk how could I even write that I can barely text as it is."

 

"Patrick translated your strange animal grunting noises into English and that's what you said."

" _Power bottoms 2015_?!"

 

"Hey you were in a dry spell don't blame me for being horny. That's your problem!" Calum runs back upstairs and literally jumps in the shower (slipping in the process on a dollop of shampoo) (he shouts 'I'm OK' to Michael) (who doesn't respond). Michael finds a good spot on the wall to bang his head into in the hopes of knocking himself out.

 

He succeeds only in giving himself one of the worst headaches of his life.

**

He's not having any of this shit. His phone has been making the little  _ding!_ noise at least four times a minute and Michael is so close to just chucking it into the wal . He doesn't, though, (for all the legal reasons) and just lays around, pissed as eve . 

 

"Calum, I'm gonna pull my name." I says, throwing his hands up, "I gonna pull my name. Not about thi . Bed intruder ain't gonna get me." 

 

"That doesn't even make any sense." Calum put his own phone down and looked down at Michael, who lay sprawled out on the couch. 

 

"I don't have any reason to stay, right?" 

 

"Mikey, did you read the rest of the email?" 

 

"........."

 

"You idiot." Calum plopped himself on top ofhis friend. "They're paying us. I mean, we'll technically be TV stars after this so they kinda have to."

 

"So?"

 

"Michael, we are broke ass college kids. Where the hell else are we gonna get money? You have your part time thing at the firm, but even between the six of us it's a struggle." Calum paused to take a long, calming breath. "Look, I'm not the most excited person here, but let's just make the most of it, OK? Have a little fun while getting the bills paid. Can't hurt, can it?"

 

"Well..... I suppose not." 

**

Two days after being informed, an interviewer came to their flat with a guy who didn't know how to work the zoom button for his life. Their interviewer only introduced him as 'Joe the Camera Guy'.

 

"If he doesn't get the hell away from me, that camera is going to end up buried in his head. I will kill a bitch and I don't care." Michael aggressively whispered. Calum giggled quietly.

 

After a couple of hours of trying to get a straight answer out of Michael, Joe the Camera Guy got a little too close for comfort.

 

Calum brought the icepack and the ibuprofen.

 

Michael did not apologize.

**

Two days after that incident, they got another visitor. A black Chevy picked them up, this one with a female cameraman (camerawoman??) named Chelsea. She was decisively more chill and Michael got along with her. He scribbled his number and a smiley face on her forearm and she drew a penis on the back of his hand. They pulled up to the mansion a couple of hours later, after both Michael and Calum passed out in the back of the car. Chelsea slapped them both awake with a "Rise nd shine, boys!". She led them inside and to the study, where some man whose clothing resembled a stereotypical French maid took them upstairs.

They were just about to collapse when their host, a portly man of probably age old-as-fuck intercepted Michael and told him,"You need to be interviewed again. Joe didn't get all of the footage we needed, so I'll be sending in someone else."

 

"You've gotta be shitting me!" The white haired boy moaned.

 

"No, I am not shitting you. Now go before we have someone drag you in."

 

"Well, mate." Calum waved, "nice knowing you."

 

"I still call bullshit." Michael muttered, running a hand through his new hair. Another man motioned for him to follow. Calum stuck his tongue out his friend as a silent insult. Michael flipped him off in return.

**

After another hour of considerably less annoying questions, Michael was free to leave. There were 15 people in the main room downstairs, so he assumed that's where everyone was meeting up. Strange, how he never got the memo on these kinds of things... Five of the them were drag queens, and one of them was weirder than anything Michael had seen before. A couple of them were bickering over lipstick while Calum decided to chat with the sandy-haired boy next to them, whose name was Ash. Michael sat down next to a guy named Jared.

Their host came in and paired them with a staffer saying, "Alright, boys- we'll show everyone to their rooms." A collection of 15 maids and waiters took each of them by the hand or the wrist or the shirt and escorted them to a room. Michael faceplanted onto his fluffy down mattress and took a catnap on the spot. The producers were the ones paying the bills for Michael to be on the show doing whatever the hell he did. Fuck it if that meant sleeping.

**

He awoke to Calum catapulting on top him and three other boys joining in. They had a camera crew behind them as well. They could all suck it. The face crushing his right shoulder he identified as Ashton. The other two were a mystery.

"Calum what the hell?! Who are they?!"

 

"Them?" Calum jumped under the covers with his best friend, "Harry and Louis. They put in their profiles as jokes and got picked too. They're just like us!! Now come on, they want us all downstairs!"

 

"Except I need sleep and they, clearly, do not." Michael groaned.

 

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" Said the curly headed one, Harry, as he bounced on top of him. There was a sharp pain in his lower abdomen and in an instant, Michael lost the ability to press his chill button. 

"All of you, out! Let me just sleep, God! And ow that fuckING HURT YOU ASS YOU HIT ME IN THE NADS GO AWAY."

 

"Are you sure you want us to leave? It sounds like you need a hug." laughed Calum.

 

"It do not! Now go!"

 

"He definitely needs a hug." The shorter boy, Louis, grinned, taking a running leap onto oh Michael and elbowing him in the rib. Harry jumped on top of Louis and Calum jumped before Michael could reorient himself/walk off the pain. There was another shooting pain down the left side of his body.

 

"We need to have a funeral for my balls." He half laughed-half cried, "I will never have children now."

 

"You're gay it's not like you really needed them later." said Harry. He and Louis were now by the door. Calum shimmied his way so he was face to face with his friend.

As soon as he got close enough, he whispered,

 

"#powerbottoms2015."

**

He was the last one awake, which was the topic of his interview, actually. Each of the Potentials had to meet privately with Luke so the guy could get his bearings. Michael missed his opportunity, but he popped his head outside and said hi. He went to the elevator to go back to his room on the fourth floor. It was all good until Luke joined him in the tiny metal box and pressed the button for 5, the tower's spire where the _really_ fancy rooms were.

Damn this guy was weird.

Hot and weird.

 _Focus! Keep your cool!_  Michael scolded himself. He can deal with this. He can totally do this.

Luke Hemmings is a pretty person, that's for sure. He was taller than both himself and Calum so when they were standing next to each other awkwardly in the elevator, Michael went on the defensive and shut himself down.

"How did you end up on the show?"Luke says after the bell for 1 rings. 

 

"Because of an asshole for a best friend and way too much beer."

 

 

"That sounds...... Charming. I guess you're just lucky, then?"

 

 

"I'm lucky to be on the show? Ha! I've got pretty shitty luck, to be honest."

 

"Oh?"

 

"Yeah, well, I wasn't supposed to end up here in the first place. I mean, what are the odds, right? And I still beat them in exactly the way I didn't want to." The bell dinged on Michael's floor. The bleach blonde boy thanked his lucky stars that he was put on a floor below Luke's. "I'm gonna go before this gets any more weird. Later, hater."

 

Luke stared after the odd boy for a moment with his hand half raised.

"Bye..."

**

He didn't have to talk that much since he didn't seek Luke out. Michael spent his days on the section of the roof outside his window or talking to Ashton, Calum, Harry, and Louis. It’s been about a week and a half since they got there, two weeks since they were notified. Michael has had to have real conversations with Luke only three times- once on the move in day in the elevator, another two days after when Michael decided that it was a s;mores kind of night, and the last on Monday, when he nearly got into a fistfight with one of the drag queens over something stupid (literally all Mikey was doing was sitting upside down on the couch playing FIFA on the big ass TV. So what he was on the couch? Big whoop. There were plenty of other spaces and she could’ve just sat on Luke’s other side. Gosh.)

 

The good streak of not having to deal with Luke ended abruptly on the Friday night before choice day. Ashton was with Calum in the garden and Louis was off doing who knows what with Harry. The show’s crew just about pulled him out of the tree and sat him outside on the patio, waiting for Luke to come talk to him.  _What’s the point of pitting people against each other? It’s not freaking Hunger Games! What a stupid concept._ He thought. If he was going to get kicked off early, now would be a good time to make sure Luke hated him.

 

“He’s here.” said an attendant from the doorway. Well. Speak of the devil. Michael shifted so he was leaning over his knees as the blonde boy walked in.

 

“Luke, I need to make something clear- I’m just here for the money.” Michael said nonchalantly before the bachelor could get a word in. He sipped at whatever fruity drink they'd given him. Out of the corner of his eye, a cameraman aimed to get a shot of his clearly unamused expression.

 

“Money? Are you an escort or something?” Luke raised one eyebrow.

 

“Ha! I wish. I’m not beautiful enough. They pay me pretty well for being on screen, though so I’ll take what I can get."

 

"Like an actor, I suppose?"

 

"Yeah but with no filter."

 

I thought no filter kind of people were maniacs. "You seem nice to me."

 

"I'm glad you noticed the effort." As more crew people filed into the room, Michael decided enough was enough. He was no one's guinea pig. "Y'know what, let's take this outside."

 

He pulled Luke by the arm out the sliding glass doors into the garden, where he made sure to lose the camera crew. (He did this by ducking under a bush and then hiding out in a stone alcove. Luke was less than pleased.) (Joe the Camera Guy fell over a birdbath looking for them.) (Luke almost died laughing but Michael practically put him in a headlock until he was done stumbling around.)

 

"What do you want to talk about that you can't talk about in front of the cameras?" He said. Luke pulled a twig out if his hair and another out of his lip ring.

 

"You need to let me go." Michael's genuine smile faded to one of a cunning nature, like he was plotting something. His eyes showed a deadly sort of seriousness as he alternated between glancing at Luke and checking to see if Joe the Camera Guy was still looking for them. (Which he was, unfortunately.)

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"I mean on Sunday you get to pick who says and who doesn't and I need to be on the side that doesn't."

 

"Why would you do that? It seems like a waste, getting on the show then throwing it all away...?"

 

"I wasn't supposed to be on here. I didn't even put my name in the pot!"

 

"So you're going to bail?"

 

"Look-" Michael turned to be face-to-face, "I get it- you're here to find someone or whatever, but I don't see why the others out there should be so fake. I don't want my name associated with what those bitch ass queens do. It's been hell the past week and a half trying to not punch them. You can do whatever you want, but I'm asking you to please let me go home. I mean, what do you have to lose? Your decision will be that much easier knowing one person you can already bump off."

 

"Do they really bother you that much?" Luke whispered. He hadn't expected this kind of talk tonight.  _The Bachelor_ in past years had people fighting over him, and while Luke didn't want that either, being told to eliminate someone as a request hadn't been done before. 

 

"Have you seen the way they act?! It's a shitstorm out there! There are five queens out there just waiting for one of us to misstep. They already hate me for talking to you. I don't wanna be in that situation. I know I said money's good here, but I'll take my sanity over cash, thank you very much."

 

"You would rather be happy than rich, I get it." Luke says. "I'll help you out, promise." Michael glances over one of the hedges. The crew is out back, still looking, so he has to take the gentle blonde giant around the front by crouch-running behind a hedge.

 

Michael is nice enough to help Luke climb up the tree outside of one of the windows on the third story. He recognizes Calum Hood and some Potential he doesn't know inside.

 

“Cal! It’s me! Help me and Prince Charming over here get away from the asshats downstairs!”

 

“Mikey?! Oh, hi Luke. What the hell, man! Get inside before you kill yourself.” Luke almost dies getting in Calum’s room. Michael almost laughs so hard he falls out of the tree, but he jumps inside and does a shoulder roll. Before they leave, Calum checks outside like he’s a burglar in his own house. there’s no noise, so he shoos the two out and tells them ‘godspeed’ and ‘get your asses back to your rooms’. Michael is about to run off when Luke catches his arm and says,

 

“If it makes any difference, I disagree.”

 

“What?”

 

“You said you aren’t beautiful enough to be an escort. I disagree.” Michael stares at him for a moment, his eyes scanning Luke’s face to see if there’s something he’s hiding, like he’s trying to determine if it’s all for show. The pale boy just motions for him to go and scampers off in the other direction, scaling the stairs three at a time. The camera crew comes running by ten minutes later, an interviewer already getting her notes ready for his story. 

 

There's something strange about Michael that Luke likes, but can't put a finger on. He's a bit rude and outspoken, but his description already warned him of that. At the same time, he's caring and fun-loving. Michael was honest above all, though, unlike the Queens and as much as he wanted to go home, Luke wasn't sure he could bring himself to do that.

**

The second Sunday comes, the first elimination day, and Michael already has his bag halfway packed. (It's unfinished only because he decided Netflix was a better time investment over doing laundry.) Thank fuck. He's finally going to get to say goodbye to these bitches and get back to their cozy little flat and their weird flatmates and the comforts of home where he can be a part of the show without actually having to deal with everyone. Their host comes back to the platform, where they're all dressed up in whatever fancy attire the storage room got that day.The stylist for the show decided to put him in a green henley (because of something with his eyes or whatever) and light tan pants that really have no place being on him. All of the cameras are rolling at different angles, catching each Potential's face.

Michael has to literally stop himself from calling the whole show and running out.

Except that's something one of those bitchy queens would do, so he can't. Image and all that. Their host rolls up and talks to the cameras, spewing something about how the country voted in a poll for their favorite and the results of that would be up soon along with predictions from people with pretentious names. Luke steps up onto the same platform with the host, looking down each set of steps to the two wings of men (boys, really Michael thinks) on the lower platforms. Luke walks down each aisle with a card, handing one to each person. Michael waits for the word to open, and his heart plummets into his stomach.

_Stay._


	2. Weeks 3-6

"I told you I didn't want to be here! I told you why it was hell! Why didn't you let me go?!" He roars. Michael is livid over not being chosen to leave. Right after the host theft, Michael trailed Luke and as soon as there was no one in sight, he pinned the bachelor in one of the empty guest rooms. There are a ton of people on twitter congratulating him already, and even more people laughing at how pissed he was to not be going home. He is not amused.

 

"I have my reasons." He's about to go off again about how Luke could seriously screw his operation over like this, but Michael can feel there's a disturbance in the force. After a quick scan, he finds a camera peeking through the door.

 

“I swear to fuck I will deck you in the face, Joe the Camera Guy! Get the fuck outta here!” As soon as the door closes, Michael turns back to Luke. "Luke, you promised!"

 

"And I kept that promise. I got rid of the queens for you!"

 

"Wait, what?" Michael's voice is barely a whisper. Nothing makes sense anymore because this is not what he thought Luke meant by 'make it better'. He didn’t ask for this. Michael unpins the poor sucker from the hold, recoiling in on himself as though Luke had burned him.

 

“You said that the queens were bothering you? I eliminated them. For you.”

 

"I thought you were going to help by kicking me off! You had to have known that.”

 

“I knew.” Luke says, trotting back off to his own room. “But at least try to have some fun? The queens are gone; you have nothing to worry about from them.” Michael considers what has just happened, and how this might not be as bad of thing as he supposes. But then again he’s still on this shitty-ass reality show for another two weeks. Seeing as there’s nothing he can do now, Michael pulls out his gameboy and lets his mind go blank.

**

He’s so close to grabbing a bunch of pots and pans, banging them together, and then ruining everyone else’s day properly to get himself booted. It's Calum's wise words and the threat of Ashton tackling him that stop the Second Coming off Tanisha (the 'I ain't got no sleep cuz of y'all' lady) from being a thing. They make quips to each other about it every time they pass. His new nickname is Cliffoconda Minaj. Ashton is his designated Lil Kim. Calum just laughs at them.

 

Michael has been interviewed every time something major has come up. The crews have been giving him more attention, which he really didn’t want. (At least five times a day, Michael finds a reason to curse Luke Hemming’s stupid name and his stupid blonde quiff and his stupid bright blue eyes.) (These times usually coincide with when the camera crews and interviewers are so far up his ass they’re having milk and cookies with his prostate.) For example- Dustin. For the first week, everyone had been all over Dustin, one of the guys who was basically a drag queen out of drag, because he made out with Luke and Luke basically told him off. Not an hour later, they asked him how he felt. His original answer was "I'm sorry, does it look like I care?", but was revised to "What? When did that happen? I'm so fucking lost."

 

Michael's tactic is clear and simple: don't get involved in the drama, don't get picked to stay. He checked the polls on the show (he wasn’t last out of the ten, which surprised him because he thought he’d pissed literally everyone off at this point) and found a little twitter battle between the fans over whether Luke and Dustin were good together (which they were not, in Michael's opinion). He put in his two cents using a pseud account under the name @LDUKnights. (Don't judge- it sounded cool.)

@LDUKnights: Jeez, why can't anyone get along on #thebachelorGE

@sondystahlert: @LDUKnights because they're all bitches

@RainbowDDash: @LDUKnights @sondystahlert because Ash and Cal are probably fucking behind closed doors and almost everyone is a annoying AF #hellno

And then Michael got to thinking,

@LDUKnights: @RainbowDDash lmao let's face it they're all annoying #hopeless

@RainbowDDash: eh, out of the last ten my bet's on Harry, Louis, Michael. Least annoying outta them

@LDUKnights: No way, Michael won’t make it. What about Calum?

@RainbowDDash: he's not Luke's type

@RainbowDDash: but Michael's cheeky. I think Luke likes it

@LDUKnights: never thought about that but it sounds legit

He shuts down the internet before anyone can say anything about it or look over his shoulder. One of the nosy guys is circling the room being his usual asshat self at the dinner table. He eyes Michael suspiciously and says,

 

"What have you got there?"

 

"None of your damn business." Michael has the hand up too as a silent 'don't mess with me' warning. One of the other guys land back to watch the show go down.

 

"Oooh, sassy are we? I bet you've got all sorts of dirty secrets."

 

"I bet you've got literal dirty secrets. Painted all over them panties." Michael pulls it out of a hat, and this can either work out really horribly or magnificently. Someone starts recording, and he's just so done that he doesn't try to stop them. All he has to do now, though, is win the argument and he's gold. It's not like he was trying to win the popularity contest anyway.

 

"I'm not wearing any panties."

 

"No way, you already lost them?” He says, leaning forward to accentuate his mock-surprise, “Who has them this time, another dirty ass hoe like yourself?" The rest of the nine yell AAAAYYYYYYYYYY at the comment. The guy storms out, and Michael watches his following increase that much more from that little stunt. Luke is trying his hardest not to laugh, but he's eyes give him away. Michael dips his head towards the blonde before going back to his phone.

 

@LDUKnights: @RainbowDDash I understand exactly what you mean now

 

@RainbowDDash: #mukeclemmings

**

He doesn't have to deal with the nutcases again and it turns out that being a bit of a sassball was a good thing. People seem to like him. #Cliffocondadontwantnone is tending in the US.

 

Michael is called to the kitchens while he's out with Ash, Cal, Louis, and Harry (he could swear those two sets are couples, whether or not they know it yet). They complain a little about how he always has to go, but Mikey shrugs and says,

 

"That's just business, y'know? I'll be back in a sec. Don't do anything to stupid and make sure you have safe sex!" he says, because judging by the peace of their relationships, there should be condom boxes on hand. (Michael resolves to throw individual condoms every time Larry or Cashton try to act cute. It is his new mission.) (After getting kicked off, of course.)

 

"Yes, mom!" Calum shouts after him. Despite being confused, Michael didn't want to walk in and look all 'have i done something wrong?', so he tried to imagine scenarios that don't end with a metaphorical punch in the face. Maybe Luke is ready to let him go. Maybe he forgot something and Luke found it. Maybe he was being set up for a prank. He walked with head held high down the main staircase and bounced into the kitchen, hanging off the doorframe.

 

“Yo! You wanted to see me?” he says in the most 'I'm punk rock I do as I please' voice.

 

“Michael, yeah! How are you?” Luke’s eyes light up an even brighter tone of ocean blue.

 

“....good…?” There’s something weird going on, he can feel it. He’s been avoiding Luke all week (mostly because he’s angry about everything), so there’s no reason for this meeting. “Why am I here?”

 

"Just wanted to talk. The others seem overly eager to talk, but you're..... different. When you said that thing about how fake the others were, I didn't get it. I kind of do, now, though."

 

"Sorry you had to notice that."

 

"No, I'm glad you told me." They're silent for a minute, so Michael takes the time to analyze Luke.

 

Luke carries himself with an air of dignity. It's only natural, Michael supposes, for a guy like him to be the center of attention on a show like this. He must be someone with an important job (unlike Michael) or with a lot of money (unlike Michael). Luke is kind, though, as far as he's seen, which hints to either being a sweetheart or a total psycho. Mikey is more than willing to bet that Luke is a psycho. There's no way he could be a sweetheart type. It's just too good to be true. Maybe he's a criminal? Damn, then Michael needs to get the hell out of here. No mafia tonight. He isn't about to get involved with this. Nope. No way.

 

"-chael? Mike? Clifford?"

 

"Hm?"

 

"You zoned out."

 

"Oh, sorry. Head in the clouds and all that."

 

"Care to share?"

 

"Eeeeehhh...." Luke puts on a pout, and Michael just can't resist. "Just wondering how you got on here. Like on the show, I guess"

 

"Pulling out the big questions now, huh?" Luke laughed. Michael’s face feels hot with embarrassment, but before he can leave, he hears, "I was chosen because I am an everyman, steady job and all that too. The show found me on an online dating site and after a lengthy interrogation, they thought that I could pull off a sort of princely personality. And everything snowballed to this.” Michael can practically feel how natural it is for Luke to say those words. He's had 15 men (well 10 men and 5 women, technically) constantly questioning him about everything from him home life to where he wants to retire to even what his favorite animal is. Suddenly, beind Luke Hemmings isn't as easy as Michael thought.

 

“Well that’s… not nearly as amusing as I thought it would be…”

 

“Sorry to disappoint.”

 

“No! No, it’s fine, you just seem so normal. Like I expected some hot shot, big-time-”

 

“Yeah, that seems to be the trend.” Luke laughed nervously. “-but you’re not. Not like there’s anything wrong with that, I mean of course everyone is basically normal except for those people way out there who do weird stuff like I dunno, kill but I’m rambling so I’m gonna stop now.” He takes a deep breath to compose himself before continuing, “I used to really dislike you for being you and keeping me here, but you’re not so bad.”

 

"I appreciate it. And what about you?" "Me? What about me?"

 

"What's your story? How did you get here?" Michael stops breathing for a second. The camera crew does too.

 

"I'm just a broke ass college kid. I'm just like thousands of others, nothing special."

 

Luke considers this for a moment before saying, "so I guess that puts us in the same boat."

 

Michael scoffs, "Yeah, the same sinking boat."

 

And Luke just laughs, "But at least we're not alone."

**

On the second Friday, Michael is attacked by Calum. Again. The kiwi idiot made like a flying squirrel and landed in a bellyflop-like fashion on top of him.

 

“MICHAEL YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT’S DOWN BY THE COURTYARD.”

 

“DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?”

 

“THERE’S A BOUNCY CASTLE AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF WATER GUNS WE COULD HAVE A WATER WAR.” That’s all he needs to know to get out of bed, changed, and outside in record time. (This is undoubtedly the fastest Michael has ever moved ever in his life.) Some of the others heard the clamor of pounding footsteps and are starting to wake. He needs to get downstairs and start filling balloons with Calum before anyone else gets the gist of what’s going on .

 

With elimination day on the horizon, it doesn’t take much for Michael to go from ‘I don’t like any of you’ mode to ‘fuck everything let’s battle’. Michael and Ashton to a Hunger Games-style run for the water guns and all hell breaks loose. Harry and Louis are bombarding the people in the bounce castle. Calum has miraculously disappeared. It’s like Halo, but instead of superjumps and post-kill teabagging, there’s water and creating slingshot worthy giant Frankenstein water balloons. Ashton is on one side of the house reloading while Michael is doing the army crawl to hide behind the rounded edge where the dining rooms juts out. It's an all out war and he has no intentions of losing. 

 

There was a split second when both Ash and Mikey realized that throwing the Frankenstein balloon-grenades wouldn’t result in each other getting wet. The balloons were already out of their hands and careening towards the obstacles placed conveniently between them. Actually, it was just one obstacle. One six-foot-four, blonde, broad-shouldered obstacle. The dual slingshot balloons slap Luke firmly in the face, and he slips on the remains of past balloons.

**

“Well I didn’t mean to injure him! He jumped right in the line of fire! For both of us!” The dynamic five (Mike, Cal, Ash, Harry, and Lou) were all clustered together in one corner of the room that was the designated ‘make sure everyone is ok and no one has broken anything’ spot. The others were sending them dirty looks every five minutes, so they’d arranged themselves in circle to block out the hate.

 

“You aren’t even as tall as him! If you were actually aiming at each other, there’s no way he would’ve been hit!” said Louis.

 

“You weren’t even there! You were in the bouncy castle the whole time!”

 

“Still-” started Harry.

 

“It was a jump shot! I was up and Mikey was down and given our angle and distance, Luke just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Ashton, who had felt guilty for the first twenty minutes, had been sitting across from Calum and looked absolutely miserably being so far.

 

“Do you think Luke is mad?”

 

“I dunno, either way, it was a bomb-ass fight.” shrugged Michael.

 

“Oooooh, maybe he’ll punish you, Mikey…”

 

"If it were me I would not object to that.” Louis mused.

 

“SHUT UP LARRY NO ONE ASKED YOU.”

Before any of them could insult Michael, the Host snatched him up to have a stern talking to. Down the main hallway and up three flights of stairs to the original study, all Michael could do was resist the urge to tell him off, say that it was an accident and that if he was going to be disqualified, the guy should just get it over with. No tears here.

 

“So, we meet again?” Michael laughs bitterly. Luke is lying on the sofa in the study, sound asleep. He has two blotchy red patches from where Mike and Ash slingshotted him, but besides that he looks in tip top shape. (A little dishevelled, but that’s besides the point.) The Host sat him down like a disobedient puppy in the chair next to Hemmings, then left them to ‘get a med person because he hit his head pretty hard on the way down’. Michael shrugs and makes a cat-like noise equivalent to ‘get out of my face’.

 

“Well this is just dandy, huh? Worse than that time Calum took a dick pic and sent it over snapchat. Whatever, you probably can’t even hear me.” It’s completely silent, which is wonderful at least. The others are all in the makeshift health room and the Host is off blabbing to someone who isn’t him. Luke looks a lot better now, though, as much as Michael hates to say it. There’s no one to constantly seek him out, no one to question his every move. Joe the Camera Guy isn’t even here. (Michael gets up to double check that Joe the Camera Guy isn’t there.) (He is not.) This past month has consisted of a handful of random guys vying for his attention and Michael being a jerk. “Well at least you’re alive. I mean you hit your head pretty hard on the noggin there… Y’know, when you aren’t talking, you’re pretty cute."

 

Throughout the little speech, Michael had managed to maneuver himself so he was perched on the armrest of the soft, his sandaled feet one on either side of Luke's head.

 

"I just don't how a chill guy like you ended up in a freak show like this. All the fakeness, all the drama.... Love shouldn't have to be this way. It shouldn't be a contest. It's something special- you can't buy it or sell it, you can't create it out of nothing... It's just one of those things."

 

"I am not of average luck."

 

"AGHFJHAGHAPH HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AWAKE?!" Michael is now one with the wall, having been startled halfway to Sydney. If he were a cat, he would be on the ceiling, but since he isn't, clinging to the wooden panels will do just fine. Luke is looking up at him, eyes twinkling with honest laughter. He's still on his back looking up at Michael.

 

"Not too long but just long enough."

 

"Oh look, we've a smartass over here." Mivhael said, immediately picking uo ehere he left off in his role as resident ice king. The silver haired boy crawled down from his spot and stood next to the bachelor.

 

"Glad to see you're alright. I'll be off now."

 

"Alright. I'll see you later?" Luke asks, hopeful.

 

"....maybe." 

 

Michael puts all his energy into dancing around Luke that night and the next. 

**

It's finally here. The second elimination day, and they haven't talked about trying to purposely kick Mikey off. He still feels like throwing up, the nerves are so strong. Only a handful of people know about the Get-Michael-Eliminated plan besides Luke, and this thing really needs to work if he wanted to get out with no legal issues.

 

They stood in a line, contestants on the right side of the main camera and Luke and the other official people on the left with the other two quarters of the crew standing behind either row. This time, he'd been put in a white-grey vest and dress pants (which together probably made him look paler than a vampire). Their outfit coordinator must be colorblind or something.

 

Michael had the sort of look that dared Luke to pick him and Luke looked all too happy to try it. Ashton had suggested trying to make Luke mess up on live telly while Calum had adamantly objected and told Michael to try silently pissing him off. Harry and Louis were no help whatsoever, so he stuck with his angry feline status. (Louis wanted them to get together.) (Harry had secretly started the Muke Clemmings tag on Instagram.) (They were hopeless.)

 

 

"From these ten, six will go home." Says the Host, "the remaining four will continue for another two weeks, when we will determine the ultimate match. Luke, make your choices." 

 

"Luke....." Michael hissed under his breath.

 

“First pick, Harry.” The blonde kept his eyes trained on him. Louis patted his (boy)friend's back, sending him off. This was absolute torture and Luke knew it. Ever since that night when they hid in the alcove, Michael swore that that idiot made it his personal goal to pester him any way possible. This being the best way.

 

“I swear to fuck, Luke…” Michael growled.

 

“Second pick, Alex.” one of the guys who wasn't as annoying but still really competitive strode by Michael, sending him a look of superiority. Michael sent a similar look back, this one saying bite me. He turned his attention back to the blonde in the suit on the other side of the stage, trying to scare him.

 

“Don’t you fucking dare, Luke.” Michael kept the death glare going.

 

"Third pick, Peter." The cinder haired guy three people down ruffled jacket like a pompous bird before joining Harry and Alex on left side of the stage. Luke looked down and up the line, just waiting, as though there was an imaginary drumroll going on (which there probably was, now that he thought about it). He stopped at Michael, and look on his face just screamed mischeif.

 

"No...... No...no, Luke you pro-"

 

“Last pick, Michael.”

 

“GoddAMMIT LUKE.” he yelled, storming off in the direction of his designated room.

 

This was not supposed to happen. The odds were right. The scenario was right. He hadn't spoken to the guy unless he absolutely needed to. He was distant and sassy (and rude, just to add to the tally.) He'd nailed the guy with a freaking water balloon from a slingshot. Everything he'd worked to have was right, so why hadn't Luke let him go?!

**

The press was all over it- how Luke was looking much sadder than normal. Michael hasn’t noticed it himself because he’s actively avoiding him. The last time they talked was when Mike locked himself in the bathroom and Luke sat outside. He only talks to Luke a couple more times (during arranged meetings, of course). Some people blame the system. Others blame him.

 

He has no support system. He has no allies. Michael has literally just met Harry these past weeks (and they talk sometimes, but mostly the final four have been kept apart). The other two seem to want to kill him off right then and there. He can feel Luke growing tired of the whole ordeal, and even though he isn't supposed to, Michael has been checking up on him over social media.

**

"I am getting out of here." Michael says to himself in the mirror. "I am going home, and this time they cannot stop me."

 

It’s another two weeks and a whole lot of rumors later, and the final elimination is here. It’s the same process as last time, only Michael is more pissed off and Harry is on the other side of the rafter discreetly holding hands with Louis, who weaseled his way over. The eliminated members of this year's pool were asked to return for the final pick, and they're standing around them like some messed up three-quarters halo. Luke is in the middle of the gap, looking in on where the four of them are waiting.

 

Everyone is on their toes (except Michael, of course, since today their stylist gave up trying to argue with him over what shoes he should wear with his black suit, and he's quite comfortable in his sneakers, thanks very much).

 

The Host has his own suit on, and after a (short) applause intro, he asks,

 

"Luke, have you chosen?"

 

"There was really no competition. I know we haven't spent as much time together, but I'd love to spend more with you." Luke clears his throat. Michael wants to shoot himself with a potato bazooka. "Like that time in the garden, or when we had s'mores on the patio." The bleach blonde boy freezes. Surely Luke had to have had garden talks with the others, and s'mores night is a normal thing. It's not him. It can’t be.

 

"And that time you visited me when I wasn't well." And OK, the world has finally stopped spinning around him because that definitely can't be him. Michael basically described himself to Luke as a professional asshat and he's never been warm and fuzzy with him either. Everything was back to normal.

 

"Michael, I would be honored if you would be mine and I, yours."

**

There was a collective moment of silence, abruptly broken by a soft _poot_ sound from Joe the Camera Guy. That, and a chorus of angry yells from the other two 'contestants' that Michael never really got a chance to know.

**

"Well shit." Said Calum, "Ashton, baby, we can do whatever we want now." He grabbed the bandana boy waiting in the wings by his cheeks and kissed him. The walked off the platform still making out (and fell down a couple of steps ten seconds later) (the paramedics laughed for a couple of minutes before carting them off for a fractured humerus and a twisted ankle) (both claimed it was totally worth it).

 

"Louis, baby, let's go back inside, hm?" Harry says off to the side. The two leave through the side gate and make a run for it, ditching Louis' shies in the grass and throwing open the double doors with both sets of hands.

 

"Are you serious?! I thought you were going to let me go!" Michael growls when he's standing face to face with Luke.

 

"Do you remember what you said while everyone thought I was in the makeshift infirmary?”

 

"That Calum put a picture of his boomerang on Snapchat?"

 

"No, god n- did he actually?" Michael just nodded and shielded his eyes from Calum with his left hand.

 

"I meant with everyone being fake. You were the only one who was true to self. You didn't change the way you acted to impress me, and that's what impressed me. You're beautiful and funny and make the best jokes. Your hair is a million colors and I there’s so much I want to learn about you, so I'll ask you formally- will you be my boyfriend?"


	3. Weeks Eternal

Michael never thought he would fall this hard for Luke. They _did_ meet on a TV show, after all, but truth be told, Luke was just as kind if not kinder to him while they were off camera. Calum and Ashton and Louis and Harry tease him about how cute they are, but Michael quickly points out how both Larry and Cashton do exactly the same thing as they do, but with a lot more kissing. They usually shut up and Luke tells Michael that he's adorable for being sassy with them.

**

Two years later, Luke proposed to Michael. He said yes, of course. They spent that afternoon hiding out in the garden from the camera crews that had decided to make an unannounced drop by their house. At their wedding night, the whole _Bachelor_ crew showed up. Luke punched Joe the Camera Guy in the nose for intruding upon such a touching time like that. Michael often talks about how annoying the man was while on their honeymoon.

They have their first fight that night.

Michael is a firm believer that Joe the Camera Guy should not have been at their wedding and that it's his own damn fault for getting sent to the hospital. Luke felt guilty about the whole thing, ever though the police accepted his statement of self-defense. Michael did not want to buy an apology card. They decide that it's probably a good investment. Luke and Michael go backpacking, and even though Luke is the only one who can really tan, Michael enjoys it. There aren't that many people around, so he's free to do as he pleases.

 

One evening, he sets foot in the ocean, looking out upon the open water.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Luke asks him, wrapping his arms around Michael's shoulders from behind.

 

"The sunset. It's beautiful." Michael sighs. The sun is at it's low, turning the sky a crimson red and a bright orange as it fades out on the horizon.

 

"You're beautiful."

 

"You're sappy."

 

"You love it." Luke kissed his husband's forehead. He lays his head on Michael's shoulder as the red sky becomes purple and the stars shine in the darkness. Michael laughs,

 

"I love you."

 

"I love you more."

**Author's Note:**

> Questions? Comments? Random things you wanna say? Be my guest!


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